Dosu Kinuta in The Journey to Kick Orochimarus Ass
by Gaara the hated
Summary: Dosu and Zaku are tired of being underestimated by everyone especially Orochimaru.But things are not the way they seem.In reality they are above Jounin level.They are both members of Akatsuki!They have been given orders to kill Orochimaru for his betrayal
1. The Beginning of the End

Dosu Kinuta in The Journey to Kick Orochimaru's Ass

Summary: Dosu and Zaku are tired of being underestimated by everyone, especially Orochimaru. But what everyone doesn't know is that they've been holding back. They haven't shown anyone what they are really capable of. The techniques and skills they've been using up to now is nothing compared to their true strength. In reality they are above Jounin level. Not even Orochimaru is aware of this. They haven't used their real abilities in order to keep a low profile and not attract too much attention for their true goals. Dosu and Zaku have been following Orochimaru's orders for their own needs. They needed to enter the Chunnin exam as sound-nin, so people won't find out their secret. They are both actually members of Akatsuki! They have been given orders to kill Orochimaru for his betrayal from Akatsuki. But now that they have been underestimated, they're not afraid to show everyone just what they can do.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but if I did Dosu would still be alive and kick the shit out of Orochimaru.

The story begins during the fight between the sound trio and like everyone from Konoha in the second exam in the cursed forest. This is the part where Sasuke just wakes up and activates his cursed seal.

* * *

The Beginning of the End

Sasuke stood up with an enormous amount of chakra emitting from his body. He felt like he could take on anyone. (How wrong he was)

"Which one of you fuckers want to take me on?" yelled Sasuke.

"Heh, the fucker gets a little boost of power from that cheap curse seal and he thinks he's god." exclaimed Zaku.

Zaku glanced at Dosu.

"Should we?" asked Zaku.

"No, now is not the right time." said Dosu. "But, I'll take care of him."

"Damn!" replied Zaku. "Fine."

"I'd like to see you try." Smirked Sasuke.

Dosu pulled up his sleeve revealing his amplifier.

"This won't take long." stated Dosu.

"Hurry it up!" snarled Sasuke.

"As you wish." smirked Dosu.

Dosu disappeared and then appeared right in front of Sasuke.

"What?" exclaimed Sasuke.

Dosu sucker punched Sasuke in the face, crushing his nose. Sasuke screamed in pain as his blood splattered everywhere. Dosu then activated his amplifier.

"This is going to hurt." stated Dosu. "A lot."

"Super Sonic No Jutsu!"

Supersonic sound waves surrounded Sasuke's ears. It was so fast that only Sasuke could hear the intense deafening sound that entered his ears. Suddenly the sound increased dramatically. His eardrums burst and sprayed blood out of his ears. The only thing Sasuke heard was the sound of his eardrums popping and his screams of agony before he blacked out.

"SASUKE!" screamed Sakura running up to him. "NOOOOO!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SHIT!" screamed Zaku.

He bitch slapped her in her face so hard her cheekbone cracked.

She screamed like the little bitch she was.

"GODDAMN IT! I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHIT!" Zaku screamed.

He started pummeling her face in with his fists until he broke her nose. She screamed, cried, pissed in her pants, and also shit her pants.

"DIE YOU FUCK!" screamed Zaku.

He elbowed her in the face and smashed her nose into her brain. Her blood oozed out of her brain and she laid there dead in a pool of blood.

"Fucking bitch." muttered Zaku as he pissed on her corpse.

He kicked her lifeless body toward the unconscious Naruto.

"Heh, that'll be a nice surprise for him when he wakes up." laughed Zaku.

"Enough Zaku, we have their scroll, lets head to the tower." said Dosu.

"What about Kin?" asked Zaku.

"Bring her, she'll be of some use for us later." replied Dosu.

"And the Uchiha?" asked Zaku.

"Leave him for now, if he's as good as they say he is, he'll come for us." replied Dosu.

"Didn't that fuck Orochimaru want to use him as a vessel?" asked Zaku.

"Yes and think of his reaction when he finds out that his future vessel is now permanently deaf." smirked Dosu. "We can have a little more fun with him before we finish him off, if he makes it through this exam."

"Heh, he has one hell of a handicap now." Zaku laughed.

"Yes, this will be interesting." Said Dosu.

* * *

Dosu recalled what Itachi had told him before the exam.

"Dosu, you and Zaku's assignment will be to enter the Chunnin exam as Orochimaru's subordinates and when you get the chance, kill that bastard." said Itachi.

"Also be aware of a Genin from the sand, named Sabaku no Gaara, he has a lot of potential and we would like him to join us in the Akatsuki."

"I understand." replied Dosu. "But what do you want me to do about your brother since Orochimaru has his eyes on him as his next vessel?" asked Dosu.

"Sasuke?" said Itachi. "If you get the chance kill him, I'm no longer interested in that weakling."

"Understood." said Dosu.

"Oh, and Dosu keep an eye on Zaku, he has a habit of being too reckless." said Itachi.

"I know." Replied Dosu.

* * *

"Heh, the fun is just beginning." Smirked Dosu. "Zaku, lets go."

"Yeah." replied Zaku as he picked up Kin.

They darted through the trees toward the tower.

* * *

Meanwhile at another part of the forest where an irritated Tenten, a troubled looking Neji, and an unconscious Lee were resting.

"Neji, why did you tell us to flee?" asked Tenten. "It doesn't feel right that we just abandoned them like that."

"We couldn't have done anything, those guys are out of our level." replied Neji. "I used the byakugan on them and they are definitely not mere Genin, they have strength that surpass Jounins."

"What? Those guys? But they didn't seem that strong." questioned Tenten.

"They were holding back their true strength." replied Neji. "But right now we have to worry about getting another scroll in order to pass this exam."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." sighed Tenten.

* * *

Shikamaru had dragged a shocked Chouji and a traumatized Ino out of the forest. They were resting in a secluded area.

"Fuck! I can't believe that this happened, this is fucking troublesome." exclaimed Shikamaru. "Chouji, how the fuck could you be eating at a time like this?"

"Sorry Shikamaru, but I always eat when I get scared." replied Chouji.

"You always eat no matter what fucking emotion you're experiencing!" exclaimed Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru, stop it! You're scaring me!" said Chouji.

"Sorry Chouji, I kind of lost it there for a second." said Shikamaru. "Damn, being pissed is troublesome."

They both looked toward Ino who was spacing out.

"Man, we are so fucking screwed." sighed Shikamaru. "But let's try to get a scroll for now."

Chouji nodded and followed Shikamaru.

* * *

Naruto woke up the next day feeling refreshed. He turned around and saw the back of Sakura.

"Oh hey Sakura, you did a great job looking out for us when we were knocked out!" exclaimed Naruto, oblivious to the fact that he was talking to a dead corpse.

"Sakura? Are you ok?" asked Naruto. "Sakura?"

He turned Sakura over and nearly had a heart attack when he saw the bloody corpse.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Naruto at the top of his lungs, which is pretty fucking loud.

This was the only advantage of Sasuke being deaf. He was sitting on a branch thinking of what happened. He couldn't believe it, he had all that power and felt like no one could stop him, but that sound-nin did, quite easily too. He had failed to rescue Sakura and now she was dead.

"Well at least now she can't bother me anymore." thought Sasuke. "Oh wait, shit, there's still Ino."

"Damn! I guess you can't win all the time." sighed Sasuke.

* * *

"Heh, guess that fuck found the surprise we left for him." Laughed Zaku.

He, Dosu, and Kin were waiting in the tower. They had arrived shortly after Gaara's team. They heard footsteps from around the corner, well they heard it a long time ago since they have awesome hearing, but now it was louder.

Gaara's team came out and started to walk past them. Gaara noticed the blood on Zaku's clothes and abruptly stopped. Temari and Kankurou started to panic. Zaku noticed this.

"Do you want something?" sneered Zaku.

Gaara glared at him and started to smile, but then snapped back to his senses and continued walking. Temari and Kankurou sighed in relief. Dosu watched them as they left.

"Yes, things are definitely going to get interesting." He thought to himself.

* * *

Author Notes

This is the end of the first chapter.

I'll probably do the next chapter this weekend or anytime that I have free time.

Naruto's team isn't really important in this fic, keep your eye on the sound trio, Gaara's team, Orochimaru and his pawns, and later on the Akatsuki.

The next chapter is about the preliminaries, which should cover the next five chapters.

Please read and review!

And thanx for all of you who reviewed my other fic- **The Adventures of the Sound Trio at Seven Eleven **

- Gaara the hated


	2. The Preliminaries Begin

Review Responses:

oooh-squishy: Thanx for reviewing both stories, I appreciate it

EscaChick: Thanx, I hope you'll like this chapter too, yeah I thought it would be awesome if they were in the Akatsuki, lol, yeah Sakura really needed to die after biting Zaku like that, plus she's just so damn annoying, and yeah there will be a lot of pointless deaths in the upcoming chapters, so look forward to it!

Ronnie: Thanx…

Notice: In the preliminaries there will only be 3 fights that go according to the storyline, so for those fights I will only write the last scene and take over from there because it's pointless to write the whole thing if you all know it already.

* * *

The Preliminaries Begin

Naruto, Sasuke, and a kage bunshin imitating Sakura entered the tower. They showed the examiner their scrolls and headed to the room where the next exam took place. They were greeted by Kakashi.

"Hey guys, good job getting this far." said Kakashi. "Note to self, never bet with Gai again" he muttered.

"Heh, heh, what did you expect?" replied Naruto.

Sasuke didn't say anything, probably because he couldn't hear Kakashi since he was deaf.

"WHAT? EVEN SAKURA IS HERE? exclaimed Kakashi. "Ha ha, I'm just kidding, but seriously you suck." said Kakashi, who bitch slapped her just because he could.

"Sakura, is there something wrong? You look kind of out of it." asked Kakashi, waving his hand in front of her face.

"Er um, she's uh um …" started Naruto.

"She's having her period." finished Sasuke.

"Oh alright, I know what that means, know what I'm saying?" chuckled Kakashi, pointing to his perverted book.

"Um, right." replied Naruto hesitantly.

Flashback

* * *

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SAKURA?" screamed Naruto.

Sasuke noticed Naruto's expression and could easily guess what he was saying.

"While you were resting, we were defeated by those sound-nin and one of them killed Sakura." replied Sasuke.

"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WHEN SHE WAS GETTING KILLED?" screamed Naruto.

"Me? Oh, I was just busy being unconscious from having my eardrums explode and now I'm permanently deaf." replied Sasuke.

"……" Naruto was speechless.

"Wow, that's a first." thought Sasuke.

(It's really fucking hard to have Sasuke interact with other characters now that he is deaf, so lets pretend that he can just tell what other people are saying, but he can't really hear anything, that make sense? Good)

"Well, are we going to bury her at least?" asked Naruto.

"We don't have the time." replied Sasuke.

"We have to at least have a memorial for her." argued Naruto.

"Fine." sighed Sasuke.

"I'll start." said Naruto. "Sakura was a great friend to me, no wait, she was my guardian angel guiding me through the corruption and evil in this world."

"What the fuck are you saying?" said Sasuke.

"Shut up Sasuke! You say something!" exclaimed Naruto.

"Fine." said Sasuke, clearing his throat. "I hate Sakura. She was the most annoying piece of shit that I've ever met and I wished that she died a horrible, gruesome death every second that she was with me. I guess my dream came true. Yay!" started Sasuke. "You hear that you bitch! I hope you burn in hell!" screamed Sasuke, kicking Sakura's corpse.

"But I AM grateful for that time she gave me a blowjob when you were conveniently not there. That was the best day of my life." said Sasuke.

"WHAT! She gave you a blowjob!" gasped Naruto in disbelief. He quickly regained control of his emotions. "Yeah, bullshit." muttered Naruto.

"Fine, don't believe me, whatever helps you sleep at night." replied Sasuke.

"Hmmph! Lets just get back to the memorial." grumbled Naruto.

"Whatever." replied Sasuke.

Just then a bird swooped by Sakura's corpse and shit on her face.

"Hey you stupid fucking bird! Don't shit on her face! That's disrespectful!" screamed Naruto.

Suddenly an elephant came out of nowhere and started stomping on the corpse. After it was done, it took a huge dump on the now unrecognizable body of Sakura. Then it took a nice, long refreshing piss, drowning the body in a huge puddle. It then left to do who knows what. Naruto's jaw hit the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with this place!" he screamed.

Right after he said this a lion came out of the clearing, ate Sakura whole, and then shit her out again. Then a pack of vultures flew down and pecked away the only pieces left and then spit it out in disgust.

Naruto started banging his head against a tree repeatedly receiving several concussions along with it.

"Idiot." muttered Sasuke.

End Flashback

* * *

"Well anyway, good to know you guys are fine." said Kakashi.

Just then Ino came running up to them and lunged at the Sakura clone, hugging it with all her might.

"Sakura! You're alive! Thank God! I thought you really were gone for good!" exclaimed Ino.

Unfortunately for Ino, she hugged the clone much too tight and it burst into smoke.

"W-What? A clone!" sputtered Ino.

"Oh shit!" said Naruto.

"So, Sakura really is dead, huh?" stated Kakashi, who used his amazing observation skills and looked underneath the underneath.

"Yeah." sighed Naruto.

"That's a shame, she was able to control chakra so well, but then again it's not like she could actually do shit with it, so who gives a fuck." started Kakashi.

"I couldn't have said it better myself." agreed Sasuke.

"The only thing she was ever good for was that something something she gave me the other day, you know what I'm saying?" chuckled Kakashi.

"WHAT? She gave you a blowjob too?" screamed Naruto. "Just how many fucking people did she give blowjobs to?"

Every guy in the room raised their hand.

"God fucking damnit! That fucking whore!" growled Naruto. "What? Even Chouji!"

"Yeah, She was going to give you it, but you weren't there, so she gave it to me instead." replied Chouji. "You really missed out man, it was awesome! Hell! It was even better than cheesecake! What were you doing anyway when that happened?"

Naruto thought back. That was the time when he decided to randomly take a shit at that exact moment for no apparent reason.

"No!" cried Naruto. "No! That's not fair! No!"

Naruto screamed while pulling his hair out. He started foaming in his mouth and his eyes turned red. He was about to go on a rampage until Kakashi successfully sedated him by bitch slapping him upside the head a couple of times. Naruto regained his senses and scowled at everyone who had gotten some from Sakura.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! The next exam is about to begin!" yelled Anko.

Everyone settled down.

"Thank you Anko." said Hayate, slapping her ass.

"No problem, but if you ever do that again, I'll rip your balls off and shove them up your ass." she replied.

"Understood." said Hayate. "Listen up mortals! The third exam will be a tournament in which you will fight for yourself, there are no more teams as of now. Any questions?"

No one had any questions. They all understood.

"Good." said Hayate. "Now this will be an intense, brutal tournament for our own sick entertainment, where there WILL be death, unless your opponent is knocked out in which you will automatically be declared the winner. This is not for everyone. So, if you're a little pussy and don't feel that you can handle this, raise your hand and you will be allowed to leave if you do not want to stay and watch."

Two hands went up. They belonged to Kabuto and Chouji.

"O.K." said Hayate, crossing their names off. "You can go if you want…you fucking pussys." added Hayate.

"Hey, I find that comment offensive and I would like it if you apologized." said Chouji.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" yelled Hayate.

"OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY!" cried Chouji, chomping down on some potato chips. Barbeque flavored potato chips to be exact.

"Alright, I'll spare you…for now!" replied Hayate.

Chouji stayed where he was, but Kabuto started to leave. As Kabuto passed by him, Dosu observed that he was a sound-nin.

"Interesting." he thought. "He's one of Sasori's men, seems like he's forgotten his place and needs to be dispatched. Heh, easy enough."

Hayate scanned the crowd and frowned.

"No, there are still too many of you." said Hayate, shaking his head. "We're going to have to have preliminaries in order to cut the number of you in half. There are 18 of you, so we'll have 9 matches."

"The people participating in the preliminaries are Aburame Shino, Akado Yoroi, Dosu Kinuta, Hyuga Hinata, Hyuga Neji, Inuzuka Kiba, Kankuro, Kin Tsuchi, Nara Shikamaru, Rock Lee, Sabaku no Gaara, Temari, Tenten, Tsurugi Misumi, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, and Zaku Abumi." announced Hayate. "Now everyone move from the arena to the sidelines. MOVE NOW I SAID! We will begin shortly."

Everyone started conversing with each other. All the guys were talking about their experience with Sakura and the many blowjobs she gave, just to piss off Naruto. Naruto was walking around sulking like a emo kid. (How gay)

"Alright everyone settle down." said Hayate.

Everyone was still talking and didn't even hear him.

"I SAID SETTLE DOWN YOU FUCKS OR I WILL SLIT ALL OF YOUR THROATS WITH MY KICK ASS SAMURAI SWORD! WHY DO I HAVE A SAMURAI SWORD WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A NINJA! THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW!" screamed Hayate.

Everyone immediately stopped talking and began wondering just why Hayate had a samurai sword anyway?

Hayate cleared his throat. "Thank you. The first match is Uchiha Sasuke vs. Nara Shikamaru. You may come down when you are ready. WHICH MEANS NOW!"

Sasuke and Shikamaru slowly walked to the arena.

"MOVE YOUR ASS!" yelled Hayate.

They ran as quickly as they could toward the arena, which was about 2 feet from where they were currently standing.

"Alright, Uchiha Sasuke vs. Nara Shikamaru begin!" said Hayate.

* * *

Sasuke and Shikamaru stood across from each other. There was a long awkward silence.

"HURRY THE FUCK UP!" shouted Hayate.

"So um… Shikamaru, think you could just forfeit this match, since I'm deaf and I'm still coughsufferingcough from the loss of Sakura. And also because it would be a pain in the ass to defeat you because of all the strategies you're probably thinking of right now." asked Sasuke.

"Sigh, I guess, I never really wanted to enter this exam in the first place, I'd rather be watching clouds right now, and it would be too troublesome to think up a strategy to defeat you with, ahh why the fuck not, yeah I'll do it." replied Shikamaru.

"Sweet! Thanks man! I owe you one! ONE! None of this that counts for two shit." Said Sasuke.

"Whatever." replied Shikamaru. He turned to Hayate and raised his hand. "I forfeit."

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST WASTED MY TIME LIKE THAT YOU FUCKS!" yelled Hayate. "Fine, winner of the match, if you could even call it that, is Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke and Shikamaru walked up to the sidelines.

"God, I hate my job!" thought Hayate to himself. "I could have been an ice cream man, but no! Mother just had to have me be a ninja. Damn it all! Well, at least I get to see these genins beat the shit out of each other for my amusement. Yeah, it's the little things in life that counts."

* * *

Author Notes

This is the end of the second chapter, I cut it short because I don't have time to write another match right now.

So, the next few chapters will cover the rest of the preliminaries.

This chapter was mostly humor, I especially liked Hayate's character in this chapter.

Until then, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW (Bold enough for you?)

- Gaara the hated


	3. A Bloodbath of Fun

Review Responses:

mcrrocker 2005: Thanx a lot, yes Sakura deserves to suffer unimaginable pain… I'm trying to improve on my writing and the humor along with it, so… yeah

allismine: Thanx, it's not everyday that I'm called a God…Great to have another member in my army of darkness… HAIL SATAN!

Avacados are evil: Thanx… um yeah. I dislike avocados

EscaChick: My first reviewer on all my fics! I really appreciate your thoughts and comments on my fics. Thanx, yeah I had to have Sasuke win for something I have planned for later on. Yes, the Temari vs. Tenten battle is one of the three that will remain the same

Martial Horror: Thanx man, I love your fics, hope you follow this series of mine

* * *

A Bloodbath of Fun

"Hmmmm…" thought Hayate. "Well, that was a complete waste of my time."

"What is he planning?" thought Dosu.

"Man, what a faggot!" exclaimed Zaku. (They are thinking about Sasuke's performance)

* * *

"Alright! The second match will be between… Abumi Zaku and Yamanaka Ino!" said Hayate.

"Finally." muttered Zaku.

Ino froze. "Shit! This is the guy who killed Sakura!" thought Ino. "There's no way that I could beat him… but I have to try. I'll avenge you Sakura!"

"Heh, this will be entertaining." thought Dosu.

"Alright… uh get down here and shit. Uh… fuck, shit… shit fucking mother fucking son of a fucking shit fucker bitch shit!" exclaimed Hayate.

"What'd you call me?" said Sasuke.

"I wasn't talking to you, you fuck!" stated Hayate.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." said Sasuke. "Don't make me come over there!"

"What? Fuck you, you fucking shit fucker!" shouted Hayate. "What the fuck are you gonna do? That stupid move where you make a fire that doesn't do shit? Yeah, fuck you!"

"What'd you call me?" said Sasuke.

"Arrrrrghhh! You… you fucking… you fucking piece of… FUCK!" exclaimed Hayate. "Well anyway, let's get the second match started!"

* * *

Zaku and Ino stood across from each other. Zaku smirked while Ino looked determined not to vomit her guts out.

"You may begin!" exclaimed Hayate.

Ino ran toward Zaku.

"Eager to die, are we?" laughed Zaku.

Ino lunged at Zaku with her fist. Zaku caught it easily with his palm. He got close to her face and laughed.

"What the fuck was that, bitch?" smirked Zaku.

Ino tried to kick him, but Zaku grabbed her foot with his other hand. Zaku shoved her back. Ino fell on her ass.

Zaku laughed. "Is that the best you could do?"

Ino gritted her teeth. "Damn, at this rate I won't be able to avenge Sakura!" thought Ino, astonished by her amazing discovery.

"Heh! The fun starts now!" exclaimed Zaku, stretching out his arms.

He aimed them at Ino. "Zankuha Cannon!"

Ino flew into a wall by the force of the blast. Ino screamed. Her spine shattered and the cartilage ripped. Blood flew out of her mouth as she cried in pain. She was lying on the floor coughing up blood, thinking about what the fuck she was doing.

"What the fuck am I doing?" thought Ino. "Sakura? Fuck Sakura!"

Asuma walked over to Hayate.

"Um… aren't you going to stop the uh… match or something?" asked Asuma. "I mean it's pretty obvious that Ino lost."

"Nah, I want to see how this plays out." replied Hayate.

"Finished already?" smirked Zaku. "Well I guess it's time to wrap this up, it was fun… while it lasted."

Ino groaned in defeat. "This can't be how it ends… Sakura, I'm sorry… I tried…" (Wow)

Zaku walked over to Ino's crippled body. He knelt down near her face. He placed his palm a couple inches away from her cheek.

"Goodbye bitch!" sneered Zaku. "Zankuha Magnum!"

The flesh on her face flew off upon impact of the powerful shot of highly concentrated air pressure. Her skin landed several feet away.

Ino screamed in agony as blood sprayed out of her now exposed face.

"Shut the fuck up!" shouted Zaku.

He started stomping on her face brutally until it was nothing but a bloody pulp. He then kicked her head off. It flew into the air until it hit the wall and slowly slid down.

Zaku laughed as he took out a match. He lit it and threw it on the fresh corpse. It went up in flames. He started laughing insanely as he pissed all over her burning body.

"Wow! I never saw that coming." stated Hayate sarcastically. "Winner Abumi Zaku!"

* * *

"Oh my fucking god!" shouted Asuma. "Now my whole fucking team is disqualified! Fuck! Oh well, I guess I'll just smoke twice as much now to suppress the pain."

"Yeah… you do that." said Hayate.

"What? Ino died? I-Ino died? S-She died! She died!" gasped Shikamaru. "SHE FUCKING DIED! YES! I'M FINALLY FREE! I'M FUCKING FREE!"

"Damn! I was gonna rape that bitch like there was no tomorrow! Heh! Heh! Know what I mean?" exclaimed Chouji. "Uh, I mean, damn do I love food!"

"YES! WE'RE FUCKING FREE! FREE!" chanted Sasuke and Shikamaru doing their happy little dance.

Gaara smiled widely with glee. Temari and Kankuro watched him cautiously with fear.

"Heh, seems like Zaku has enjoyed himself." muttered Dosu.

"Alright everyone, settle down." said Hayate. "I SAID SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Hayate continued screaming like a madman until he noticed that everyone was quiet and were all staring at him.

"I fucking hate you all!" he muttered. "Alright, we will start the third match now. The third match will be between Aburame Shino and Kin Tsuchi."

* * *

"Kick her ass man." said Kiba. "KICK HER ASS!"

"Who said you could talk bitch?" exclaimed Shino.

"Sorry master." muttered Kiba.

Shino and Kin walked down to the arena thingy.

"Alright, you can begin." said Hayate. "DO IT!"

They faced each other.

"Um… you should uh give up now and shit." stated Shino.

"No way man! I can't do that cuz you know… I'm like cool and shit… you know? YOU KNOW?" exclaimed Kin in her really annoying fucked up voice.

"No, I don't know! Shut the FUCK up!" replied Shino.

"Umm… OK!" said Kin.

An awkward silence passed.

"What'd you call me?" exclaimed Sasuke.

"Alright it's time to start this!" said Kin. "Get ready for my bells of DOOM!"

"Bells?... Bells?" said Shino. "A-HA HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Bells! Who the fuck uses bells? A-HA! HA! HA! Bells! What a fucking loser!"

"S-Shut up alright? J-Just shut up!" cried Kin.

"Phsssst! Heh! Heh! Heh! Bells… that is stupid." laughed Zaku.

"Bells? What a faggot! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! You loser!" exclaimed Hayate.

"J-Just shut up! JUST SHUT UP ALRIGHT?" cried Kin, only to be answered with more laughs.

"Ugh!" grunted Kin as she threw needles with bells at Shino. (The Horror! THE HORROR!)

Shino knocked them away with ease.

"Wow." he stated. "Wow."

"OH MY GOD! It's impossible that he actually withstood the almighty power of my mighty bells!" gasped Kin. "He is truly a god! A GOD!"

"You bore me." sighed Shino. "I guess I'll end it now."

Thousands of Kikai bugs flew out of Shino's sleeves. Kin screamed. They covered her and began devouring her completely. Soon all that was left was her bones and her bells. (Her bells? Her bells! OH GOD! They are immortal! IMMORTAL! GAHHHH! DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T LOOK AT ME!)

"Winner Aburame Shino!" stated Hayate.

"Yay." said Shino.

"I knew you'd win Shino! I was there with you the whole time! Numbah One! Numbah One!" shouted Kiba.

"Kiba… shut the FUCK up!" said Shino.

"Alright… CHAMP!" replied Kiba.

A couple of bugs flew to Kiba.

Kiba screamed like a bitch. "Alright! Alright! I'll stop already! GAWD!"

"That's what I thought… BITCH." said Shino.

"Hmmmmm… eaten by bugs, that's gotta suck!" exclaimed Zaku.

"Well… that's one less thing to worry about." thought Dosu.

"These last two matches have been a fun-filled gorefest." thought Hayate. "I can only hope the rest will be as entertaining."

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!"

Silence

"Oh that's right… I need to take a shit."

* * *

Author Notes

This is the end of the third chapter.

I want at least five reviews before I continue with the next chapter because this is very time- consuming and I want to be under the delusion of doing something productive.

So until then PLEASE READ AND REVIEW and while you're at it… go fuck shit up.

- Gaara the hated A.K.A "The Holy One"


	4. Humiliation

Review Responses:

EscaChick: Thanx! Yeah, Shino is awesome, one of my favorite characters. About the Shino and Kiba thing…no. Fuck no! I didn't mean for it to come out like that…at all.

allismine: Thanx a lot! I don't really like Ino, but she is tolerable and so much better than Sakura. If it wasn't for her, Sakura probably wouldn't even be a ninja. And she shows her gratitude by breaking her friendship with Ino for a crush, what a bitch! Sure, I'll check out your fics when I get the time. Already read one, the XBOX Adventure one, it's good!

mcrrocker 2005: Thanx a lot! Glad you enjoyed it. The thing with Shino was just a joke, not really to be taken seriously. Well, hope you enjoy the update.

ANBUKaida: Fuck yeah, I do! Thanx! Yep, Sakura's death was fun. Many people are going to die! Yeah, Dosu and Zaku are underappreciated. This is my tribute to two awesome characters.

Tarnee: What the fuck is your problem? Where have you seen me mention once, that I didn't like Naruto? He's on my favorite characters' list. And Gaara kicks ass!

Demonrazor: Hooray for perverted Hayate!

Soundninzrule: Thanx! Yes, Sakura really deserved to die. I dislike Kin, but that's just my opinion. Dosu and Zaku rock!

Umbre-sama: Thanx a lot! Hope you like the new chapter!

Blood red nin: Thanx a lot! Shikamaru is a favorite of mine too! Sassy? lol

Beetchy Bebeh: Thanx for all the reviews!

Shanghai Honey: Thanx for the reviews! Yep, a lot of people die in this fic. Finally updated! Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Humiliation

After Hayate finished taking a shit using his amazing ninja skills to finish within two seconds undetected, he continued with the matches.

"Ok, after that amazing display of power in the last match, let's go on to the next one." Said Hayate, feeling refreshed.

"You got that right!" shouted Kiba. "WHOOOHOOOOO!"

Hayate glared at him. "Bitch boy…shut up!"

"Hey!" yelled Kiba. "I'm nobodies bitch, nobodies!"

Shino nodded in agreement. He didn't swing that way, **ever**.

"Well, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll make you one soon!" threatened Hayate.

Kiba gulped nervously and nodded. He would keep his mouth shut.

"Good!" smiled Hayate. "The fourth match is Kankurou vs. Yoroi! Any problems?"

Both contestants shook their heads as they walked down to the stage.

"Ok." Said Hayate "You may begin!"

Yoroi glared at Kankurou.

"You should just give up now, you have no chance against me!"

"Heh, we shinobi of the sand are different than Konoha's pathetic excuse for ninjas." Replied Kankurou.

"Well, let's see you back those words up!" shouted Yoroi, as he ran towards Kankurou.

Kankurou smirked and stood his ground.

Yoroi grabbed Kankurou and had him in a hold.

Yoroi laughed. "It's over! After I absorb all your chakra, you're as good as dead!"

"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" smirked Kankurou, as his face cracked and fell apart.

"What!" exclaimed Yoroi, in surprise.

Kankurou's now revealed puppet wrapped its arms around Yoroi in an unbreakable hold.

"Now, it's over!" exclaimed Kankurou, as he ripped the bandages off of him.

Karasu's mouth opened to reveal a very sharp blade.

"NO! WAIT!" screamed Yoroi.

"It's too late!" said Kankurou.

Yoroi screamed as the sharp blade went through his head, killing him.

"Winner, Kankurou!" said Hayate.

"Don't mess with the sand or you'll mess with the best…and uh end up like the rest." Said Kankurou, as he walked back up to his team.

Everyone groaned at the lameness of his statement.

Gaara slapped his forehead in embarrassment. "I should have known he'd say something so humiliating." He thought. "Fucking Kankurou."

Kakashi chuckled. "That was almost as bad as the things Gai babbles about."

"Gasp! Kakashi, my greatest rival! How could you say such a thing?" exclaimed Gai, with great enthusiasm, as he slapped his hands to his face in a shocked manner.

"I was just kidding Gai." Stated Kakashi. "It was nowhere near as bad as your incoherent sayings."

"Damn straight, Kakashi!" exclaimed Gai. "_Damn that Kakashi and his cool attitude! He is truly worthy to be my eternal rival." _He thought while giving the nice guy pose.

"…um yeah." Replied Kakashi, nervously to his rival.

As Kankurou approached his team, Gaara grabbed his shirt and pulled the puppet master toward him.

"G-Gaara, w-what are you…" started Kankurou, fearfully.

"**If you ever say something as embarrassing as that in my presence again, I will impale that puppet of yours up your ass so hard, you'll be shitting splinters! Got it?" **growled Gaara.

"Y-Yeah! O-Of course!" whimpered Kankurou.

Gaara let go of his grip.

"Well, I thought it was clever." muttered Kankurou.

Temari laughed at Kankurou's expense.

Hayate cleared his throat. "Ahem! We'll continue now. The fifth match is Tenten vs. Temari!"

"Finally!" exclaimed Temari. "I was getting tired of waiting around."

Tenten looked determined as she started walking to the stage.

"GO TENTEN! DO YOUR BEST!" shouted Lee, giving her the thumbs up.

"Thanks Lee!" replied Tenten.

As they both reached the stage, Hayate cleared his throat.

"Begin!"

They looked at each other, while taking their weapons out.

* * *

Tenten couldn't believe it. Temari had reflected her ultimate technique as if it was nothing. Tenten flew through the air due to Temari's final attack. She knew she wasn't going to survive this match, she was too wounded to defend herself, plus the psychotic Hayate who'd let anything go, didn't help. (Heh heh, that Hayate) As she was about to land, Temari brought her massive fan in front of her and pushed a concealed button. A large spike came out from the top of the now closed fan. As Tenten landed, the spike went through her stomach and blood flew freely. She screamed in pain as she coughed up blood. She realized that she would never be able to accomplish her dream now, whatever the fuck it was. It was just as well, I mean she didn't even have a last name.

"Winner, Temari!"

Lee was outraged that his teammate was treated as a rag doll and then killed. He was about to seek justice when Gai stopped him.

"Stop Lee! The best thing you could do for her now is to do your best and win for Tenten…or whatever her name was!" exclaimed Gai as he did the nice guy pose.

"You're right Gai-sensei! I'll do my best for Tenten!" exclaimed Lee, returning the now overused pose.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

This continued for about twenty minutes.

Neji slapped his forehead in frustration.

"_God! Did they have to do this every time_?" thought Neji, as he slapped some sense into Lee.

Hayate looked around the room.

"Hmmm, only Naruto, Lee, Neji, Hinata, Kiba, Dosu, Gaara, and Misumi left." Observed Hayate. "Good, the sooner this is over, the better…OH GOD! I LEFT MY OVEN ON!"

* * *

Author Notes

This is the end of the fourth chapter.

Sorry for the shortness, but I promise the next one will be better.

Minimum of eight reviews before I update with the next chapter.

New fic up, **The Sick and Twisted World of Naruto. **Check it out and leave a review! Won't update it if I only have one review. I need to know that people bother to read them and your opinions.

I'm planning to put up a new fic soon, probably around the time the next chapter is up for this fic. Be sure to look for it!

Until then **PLEASE READ AND REVIEW** or Hayate will shove his samurai sword up your ass!

- Gaara the hated


End file.
